After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i think my cat just said my name.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
