My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
