I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
