Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
