You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
