Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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