1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
