i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
