Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize