I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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