my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
