he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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