Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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