Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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