i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
