There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
