i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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