So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
