but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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