After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
