he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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