Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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