Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
