All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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