I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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