your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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