After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
