I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
someone threw a dead crab at me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
