Michael Bay diarrhea
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
