Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
