She's JV to your varsity
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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