Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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