I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I supernannyed him into submission
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
