what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
