im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
