I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
