i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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