would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
