I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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