I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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