If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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