A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We got so high we made milksteak
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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