i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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