The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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