I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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