its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have tasted many bathrooms
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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