Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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