For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How does one acquire holy water?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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