He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
