Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
