We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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