coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
P.S. I can't hear my feet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
