Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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