My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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