Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
