yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
