I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
