A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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