ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
