I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
