i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
