it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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