so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
