So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
