So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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