Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
