Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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