This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
