she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
