I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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