I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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