So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
