She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
