Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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