Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize