one two three fourrrrnication!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
