I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
