you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
