textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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