Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
