Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
